A Bookful of Girls (Illustrated Edition) (Classic Books for Young Adults Book 201)

Coats & Clark
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The brilliance and depth of color, and the realistic motion of the birds, combine to give the delightful feeling of a brisk October morning in the country. One skein each of white, lt. All rights reserved. Why not try, then? The following morning I woke up with the same fear in my mind. The sunlight poured into the room through the chinks in the shutters. I had a whole day before me. I went out to try and amuse myself joining other people.

The afternoon was spent crac cracki king ng all all sort sortss of joke jokess and and beha behavi ving ng like like the the peop people le I had had alwa always ys considered lazy and dull. In this way, I succeeded in hiding my anguish. The first day went by; my mind was totally worn out. After two days, the fear diminished and I finally felt safe. Something had changed anyway, since I actually did not succeed in thinking about Yoga: Yoga: I went around that idea! I understood the nature of my reaction to that episode: I had cowardly run away from the experience I had pursued for such a long time!

In the depth of my soul my dignity led me to continue with my search exactly from the point where I had quit. I was ready to accept all that was to happen and let things follow their course, even if this process implied the loss of my wholesomeness. A few days went by without detecting any form of fear. Then, I experienced something awfully beautiful. Many readers will recognize, in the following description, their similar experience. It was night. I was relaxed in Savasana when I had a pleasant sensation. My body was so tired that I could not move, even if my mind imparted the order to move.

I had no fear. My composure was serene. The electric 14 wind was replaced by another feeling, comparable to an enormous strength fill fillin ing g into into the the back backbo bone ne and and quic quickl kly y clim climbi bing ng up to the the brai brain. That That experience was characterized by an indescribable, and so far unknown, sense of bliss. The perception of an intense brightness accompanied everything.

Frossard tries to give an idea of his spiritual experience. For that purpose he creates the concept of the "inverse avalanche". Frossard suggests that we should imagine an "upsid "upside-d e-dow own n avalan avalanch che" e" which which begin beginss streng strengthe thenin ning g at the the foot foot of the mountain and climbs up pushed by an increasing power; then, suddenly, it leaps up toward the sky. I do not know how how long this this experience experience lasted.

The strangest thing is that in the very instant I had it, I found it familiar. When it ended, I turned on my side and fell into a calm, uninterrupted sleep. The following following day, day, when I woke up, up, I did not not think of of it. It only came came up some hours later, during a walk. I was caught by the beauty of that experience and, leaning against the trunk of a tree, for many minutes I was literally enthralled by the the reverberation reverberation of this memory upon my soul. My rational rational mind tried to grasp and gain confidence over an experience which was beyond it — an impossible task.

All the things I had thought thought about about Yoga until then did not have have any importance importance at at all. I did not even have the chance to find out which parts of me were still there and which ones had disappeared. I was not able to really understand understand what had happened to me; rather, I was not sure that "something" had really happened. Sushumna Nadi flows in the middle, beyond the duality inherent to the two lateral currents. There are moments of the day when we feel more externalized; others when when we are more more intern internali alize zed.

The exces excessiv sively ely introv introvert erted ed tend tend to lose lose conta contact ct with with the the external reality reality.. The consequence consequence is that the ups and and downs of life seem to gang up against them in order to undermine their peaceful composure. The excessively extroverted betray frailty in tackling what comes up from the realms realms of the the uncon unconsci sciou ouss and and may have have to face face unex unexpec pecte ted d distre distressi ssing ng moment moments. As a result, the practitioner practitioner develops develops a greater emotional emotional awareness, more precise evaluating criteria and a wider range of abilities to elaborate information, information, i.

A more calibrated, calibrated, precise precise and clearer logical process will rise from a more efficient synergy between thoughts and emotions. In this way way,, intuition intuition can flow freely in order order to face the moments of life for which important decisions are expected to be made. This begins to flow creati creating ng an exper experien ience ce of joy, joy, happi happine ness ss and elati elation.

Here, Here, the "mysti "mystic" c" venture begins. The practitioner might have no idea of what this experience means; yet, it would happen to him. The following is a good routine for beginners. In some cases, there are complaints that one of the nostrils is permanently obstructed; that is a problem of medi medica call solu soluti tion on..

The inhalation lasts from six to ten seconds. At this point, the nostrils exchange their role. Keeping the left nostril closed, air is slowly, uniformly and deeply inhaled through the right nostril. Then, closing the right nostril with the thumb, the exhalation is made through the left nostril, once again slowly, slowly, uniformly and deeply. This corresponds to a cycle.

In the beginnin beginning, g, six cycles can be made; later later,, twelve of them. During the exhalation, exhalation, the the noise is not as loud as during the inhalation. After a few days practice, the respirato respiratory ry action action is lengthen lengthened ed without without effort. A mental count count makes sure that the the inhalation inhalation and the the exhalati exhalation on have have the same same duratio duration.

The abdominal muscles are slightly contract contracted ed to intensify intensify the percepti perception on of energy energy inside inside the spinal spinal column column Uddiyana Bandha. This This is repeated repeated 3 times. In time, a sensation of energetic current sliding up along the spinal column - an almost ecstatic internal shiver - will be perceived. It took care of my hopes and brought them forward. Ther Theree are are circ circum umst stan ance cess fost foster erin ing g it. It take takess more more that that a lukewarm interest or aspiration toward contacting a superior reality: one's heart heart must be afire!

Furthe Furthermo rmore, re, the the element that makes the event almost certain is that of being occupied with any kind of work or study requiring unswerving concentration. Now, even if this experience had happened only one time in my life, my expe expect ctat atio ions ns of prof profes essi sion onal al oppo opport rtun unit ity y chan change ged d fore foreve verr.

A life devoted only to study or to work seemed me meaningless. Most people have the same aim, but are overcome by events and go ahead longing for a freedom that will never come. As it regards the relationships with others, I could not avoid utilizing the reality of daily life as a field of observation: in my youthful boldness I was convinced I was seeing people as observed through a transparency. I made the mista mistake ke of discu discussi ssing ng my opini opinions ons.. Since Since to me human human misery misery consi consiste sted d entirely of one thing - the tyranny of uncontrolled thoughts thoughts and of instinctive, instinctive, wild emotions - I tried to make my friends aware of this fact.

They disappeared for some time and, strange indeed, they could no longer bear up with those friends they allegedly loved so much. All the other people kept revolting against me rather bitterly. Then there came a period in my life during which I felt so disoriented, wondering what was the point of frankness and honesty in friendship.

I had to give up and admit that, at least for the present moment, I didn't succeed in talking with a genuine sense of respect and love. Guilt-ridden, I convinced myself that I was actually taking advantage of my friend's admissions and stories to just find confirmation of my theories. First information information about about Kriya I kept kept follo followi wing ng my way, way, determ determine ined d to impro improve ve the the art of breat breathin hing g unconcerned about any limitations.

In my reading of the autobiography of P. This sparked my curiosity. I was amazed by his personal personality ity,, with unequaled will and an unexpected practical spirit. He would not excite me when he spoke on a purely devotional devotional tone, but it did whenever he assumed a more technical one, making it possible for me to get at some aspects of the 20 subtle art of Kriya - I considered it an art in continuous refinement, not a religious engagement.

Somehow the inner energy was made to rotate around the Chakras. This is because such an action is never in vain and in actual life they get back to it exactly where, in a remote past, they quit it. My imagination played freely and my fervor grew. At that time, planning planning to get through my university studies studies quickly, quickly, I excluded a journey to India for the near future. I rather chose to improve the exercises I had already practiced, using all the books I could find about Yoga, Yoga, regardless of what language in which they were written. If this had to be - as stated by P.

There laid something dormant in the corner of my memory which became alive again. I turned down those texts which dealt only with philosophical topics, while, in ecstasy and not concerned by time, I kept on skimming through those which illustrated practical exercises with clarity. This was was to be avoided avoided by all all means. This was definitely not P.

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One day, after browsing a tiresome selection of books, I went to the storekeeper holding a book in my hand; he must have realized that I was not convi convince nced d about about buying buying it; so, while while decidi deciding ng the the price price,, he remem remember bered ed something that might interest me. He led me to the rear, inviting me to rummage in a messy heap of papers within a carton box. Among a consistent quant quantity ity of misce miscella llaneo neous us mater material ial comp complet letee series series of the theoso theosoph phica icall magazine issues, scattered notes from old course on hypnosis etc.

I did not have much familiarity with the German language, but I immediately realized the extraordinary importance of that technique; I would undoubtedly decipher all of it at home, with the help of a good dictionary. I am convinced that their interests are superficial and rather emotive. During a deep inhalation, inhalation, the air was to be imagined flowing up the spinal column, abandoning its habitual course; the visualization of this as an empty tube was therefore prescribed and, while inhaling, the air was to be imagined streaming along it from its base all the way up to the area between the eyebrows; then, exhaling, the air had to go down back to the base, along the same route.

There was also the description of two particular sounds that the air originated in the throat. I completely forgot about the other material. The smirk of satisfaction I wore before the storekeeper, as if I had found a treasure of unfathomable value, definitely caused an increase in their price. Walking home, I could not help skimming through the pages; I was curious about some rough drawings illustrating techniques which were based on the movement of energy.

While I was looking for all the ways of finding other valuable information, while again reading a text of P. This would have saved me, at least for some years, a trip to India; I quickly applied for this course. I was enthusiastic enthusiastic about this and quivered with cheerful anticipation anticipation to meet them.

That night I hardly succeeded in falling asleep. Approaching this guy with a total sincerity, I could not have imagined what kind of a hard shock I was about to receive. He welcomed me with visible enthusiasm, sincerely sincerely eager to meet a person with whom he could share the fire of his passion.

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He asked me right away when I had been initiated in this practice, taking for granted that I had received the teaching from the same organization he was a member of. This story made me speechless; I just did not know what to reply. According to his words, no other person was allowed to teach that technique. Staring right into my eyes, with an enormous emotive impact, he went on saying that a practice learned from any other source was "worth nothing, it will not be effective in matters of spiritual purpose", and a possible effect might be "a dangerous illusion in which the ego remains trapped for a long time".

He asked me to explain more deeply what I was visualizing during my breathing and, while I was telling him, I saw an inner satisfaction spreading all over his face. The reader might remember that, according to the books I had read, the way of transporting the energy while breathing could be done through a route around the Chakras or inside of the backbone. I tried both ways but, since P.

I could not imagine that P. Since my position was totally incompatible with his basic tenets, he reco recomm mmen ende ded d for for me to send send a writ writte ten n acco accoun untt to the the dire direct ctio ion n of the the organization, describing the details of my vicissitudes, hoping that they would accept me as a disciple. I was somewhat stunned by the tones to which our dialog was progressing. In order order to re-est re-estab ablis lish h the initial initial agree agreeabi abili lity ty of our our meeti meeting ng,, I tried tried to reassure him about the positive effects that I had gained from my practice.

My statement actually had the effect of worsening the whole matter, giving him the the chan chance ce of a sec second ond scol scoldi ding ng,, which hich was was not not tota totall lly y unfa unfair ir but, but, undoubtedly, out of place. That clever guy had gotten straight into an obvious contradiction contradiction without even realizing it; he was saying that the results were too important to risk losing them by telling others, and a few seconds before he had underlined that they were of no value whatsoever.

Real Realiz izin ing g he had had give given n too too much uch of his his time time to me, me, a stra strang ngee metamorphosis metamorphosis took place in his demeanor. I told my friend that I would follow follow his advice. My attendance began in a period that I remember nostalgically; listening to India Indian n songs songs transl translat ated ed and and harmo harmoniz nized ed for weste westerne rners rs and, and, above above all, all, meditating together together was a true joy! Everything seemed paradisiac to me, even though little time was given to the practice - no more than 20 minutes - often, scantly 15 minutes.

At the end of each meditation we were required to depart in 26 silence, thus I began to know my new kriyaban friends more closely only during the monthly meetings. Actually, once a month we had a "social" lunch. Authorized people only, could cover such a role role;; no one one in our group roup could. It was not the right place for worldly gossips, unsuitable for a spiritual group discussion.

No wond wonder er that that,, afte afterr some some meet meetin ings gs of mutua utuall "exa "exalt ltat atio ion" n",, an alm almost ost frightening boredom started to reign in the group. As a last resort, some risked entering the realm of jokes; they were not mean or insulting jokes, but a light and innocent use of some sense of humor. Unfortunately, this also had to live up to the devotional attitude kept by many of the members and eventually succumbed to their cold attitude, unable to show a single inch of true joviality.

As a matter of course, the group underwent a great recycling process; many members who had joined in with enthusiasm decided to quit after a f ew mont months hs and and then then,, oddl oddly y and and with withou outt deep deep reas reason ons, s, scra scrape ped d the the whol wholee experience off their consciousness. My open temperament allowed me to become close to one person and establish a bond which later became true friendship. However, it was not so easy easy to find find what what cou could be call called ed a free free spir spirit itua uall seek seeker er:: many many were were emotionally charged "devotees" wearing blinders.

They considered my euphoria being typical of an immature beginner. No "courting" could extract from them them even even a crumb crumb of inform informati ation on.. How odd this word sounded to me, what a strange appeal, what a mysterious fascination it exerted upon my being! Until then, I had always believed that it did not matter at all how a certain teaching was received, or what book had been read or studied in order to learn it; I thought that the only important thing was to practice it correctly, accompanied by the desire to go deeper and deeper into it.

The idea began to enter my mind that it was fine to protect a precious lore from indiscreet eyes. With With the exception of one person who harbored really strange ideas about the spiritual path, to the point that it crossed my mind that he was mentally unstable , these new kriyaban friends seemed to censor my excessive interest in techniques, saying that devotion was much more important. While their effort in practicing the meditation techniques in a deep way was not remarkable, they tried with any external means readings, devotional chanting, convocations This fact, together together with others I had experienced in that school, was a cause of real conflict.

My approach to the spiritual path was really different from theirs and there was no hope of reaching a point of contact, a common ground. Her temperament was very sweet and more inclined to understand understanding ing rather rather than than to censorshi censorship. The second one concerns itself with the listening to internal astral sounds melting into the Om sound. She did not give me these instructions at one time, but after an interval, the latter technique four months after the first one. In this way I had the unique and splendid opportunity to concentrate on the first technique for a long time; only then would the combination of the two techniques come, the first in the morning and a total immersion in the second at night.

Thus, I could experiment with the meaning and beauty of each one. The concentration, the inner gaze, is to be kept upon the third eye. The The supp suppor ortt can can be a simp simple le horizontal table of any material, covered with foam-rubber and settled on a vertical stake of adjustable height. The technique technique consists of closing the ears with the thumbs and in 5 In order to be precise, she also checked my performance of the so-called "Recharging Exercises" which I had already learned from the written lessons.

These were physical exercises similar to isometric stretches and were practiced standing. The The right right attit attitud udee is to focus focus upon upon the loudest loudest of these these variations. She said that if the results had been disappointing, the cause would be some subtle mistakes in the practice.

She remained rather vague but, encouraging me with a smile, she concluded: "The technique contains all you need to come into contact with the Divine Essence". As is obvi obviou ous, s, I beca becam me very very disappointed: it was the most boring technique in the world. The practice seemed useless and dull. Once breathing follows this rhythm, it consequentially never settles down. Once the rhythm has stabilized stabilized itself, inhalations and exhalations are made, even if the body "would like" to stay off-breath for some moments.

While lungs and diaphragm are stretched, there is an elastic force trying to relax relax them. Theref Therefore ore,, the the pause pause betwe between en inhala inhalatio tion n and and exhala exhalatio tion n is contrasted not only by the rhythm but by the chest elasticity as well. It is fine to be awar awaree of this this elas elasti ticc stre streng ngth th:: this this is suff suffic icie ient nt to make make a more more comfortable and freer pause after the inhalation - the resulting exercise will then be executed and experienced with greater harmony. Putting all this into practice - a "virtuous circle" between this growing calmness and a reduced necessity of oxygen - brought me to a nice condition in which the movement of air through the nose was so slight as to be totally imperceptible.

Trying to discuss my observations with those who practiced that technique, I realized how hard it was for them to talk about such things. Sometimes I noticed an enormous and unreasonable resistance towards such a discussion. There were those who were not satisfied with their practice but planned to try it again again in the the future future at that that time time they they would would postpon postponee listen listening ing to my reasoning , while others were not able to understand what I was saying. I remember that when I tried to discuss these details with a lady who was a friend of our family for many years, she pretended to listen attentively to me; in the end, she brutally declared she already had a Guru and did not feel the need of another one.

This Om technique I was going to learn, discovered by the mystics long ago, 31 makes it possible to detect this vibration. At the end of one's spiritual journey, one can reach the highest reality, the " Father" - the Divine awareness beyond every existing thing in the universe. I remember nostalgically my time in that slightly illuminated illuminated room, where I confined myself like a hermit.

After three weeks of zealous practice, one day, day, having just begun the exercises for ten minutes, I realized I could hear an inner sound. It was a really ecstatic experience and it occurred so strangely that it enchanted me. Listening to the Om meant touching beauty itself.

I can not imagine something similar making a person feel so fine. For the first time in my life I found that the concept of "devotion" "devotion" had a meaning. I remember that whenever that sense of bliss arose, I would say to myself: "This is what I have always desired. I do not want to lose it anymore". The best thing is to relax and recreate through memory the atmosphere of the most beautiful experiences we have ever had in our life and feel a strong desire of finding them again in the Om vibration. So much much I did did that that I estran estrange ged d me from from mysel myself.

I read read and and reread only P. I could not understand the reason for which I had to wait for it for such a long time: my great anticipation turned, sometimes, into a fruitless anguish. In my case, contingent reasons turned it into two year yearss - the the writ writte ten n mate materi rial al trav travel eled ed by ship ship and and the the dela delay y time timess were were enormous. God is to be mostly found through through devotion devotion and surrender".

I tried to be good; I waited waited and dreamed. About four months passed by, every day I hoped to receive the coveted material, finally, an envelope arrived.

I opened it with an expe expect ctat atio ion n that that I would ould not not be able ble to desc descri ribe be:: I rema remain ined ed dee deeply ply disappointed because it contained ulterior introduction material. From the first index page of the material, I understood it was the first of a weekly series, whereas the proper complete technique would be sent within five weeks. So, for another month, I would have to study just the usual nursery rhymes I already knew by heart.

Those who, like me, were ready r eady to be initiated initiated were about one hundred in number. A beautiful room had been rented for the ceremony at a very high price and embellished embellished for the occasion with lots of flowers, such as I have never seen in my life, life, even even at the the most most extra extrava vagan gantt wedd wedding ings. The two teachers, who had just arrived from abroad, walked meekly and bewildered behind them. Then the ceremony began. I accepted accepted without without objecti objections ons their their demand demand of swearing swearing everlast everlasting ing devotion not only to the Guru P.

It would have been really strange if no one had doubts about this; I reme remem mber ber a lady lady wonde onderi ring ng if P. I was anxious to listen to the explanation of the technique technique that would have happened happened in a short time. The mystic seven-step ladder of the Chakras was the real highway to salvation, the fastest and safest way. My mind was in great expectation for something I had so strongly desired and for which I had seriously been preparing myself for months. It was not what might be called a "sacrament" that I was submitting to, in order to safeguard a family tradition; it was the crowning of a definitive choice!

I have already explained explained that I had not taken into serious consideration that procedure, owing to the fact that in P. I was not disappointed. Rather, the technique appeared perfect to me. It was taken for granted that if the least amount of doubt on the 34 correctness of a certain detail had arisen during the practice, nobody was enco encour urag aged ed — even even vagu vaguel ely y — to cond conduc uctt an expe experi rime ment nt and and come come to a conclusi conclusion on by himself.

The only "correct "correct"" action that that was fair to do was to contact the management of the school, tell them the problem and receive further guidelines. This, in effect, was what I always did. I believed believed they were "channels" through which the blessings of the Guru flowed.

Besides, I was quietly confident that - even if they would not admit it out of humility they had already reached the highest level of spiritual realization. Then, after putting the forearms on a support, the listening to the internal sounds began - this would require about the same time.

In my practical experience, the two preliminary techniques were deeply sacrificed, while the time devoted to the final concentration was too short. The technique of listening to Om was a complete "universe" in itself itself and and led led to the mysti mysticc exper experie ience nce:: that that is why why its interr interrupt uptio ion n was was something worse than a simple disturbance. It was illogical; as if, recognizing a friend with joyous surprise among a crowd, one begins talking with him and suddenly goes away with the hope to meet meet,, quit quitee by chan chance ce,, that that frie friend nd agai again n and and get get back back to where here the the conve conversa rsatio tion n had had previ previous ously ly ende ended.

What on earth does that mean? It is complete nonsense! I forced myself into such absurdity for an extremely long period. I am embar embarras rassed sed to confe confess ss that that it laste lasted d no less less than than three three years. I went went on without without changing changing the prescrib prescribed ed routine, routine, hoping for a hypothe hypothetica ticall future future evolution of an unclear situation.

I had become like one of those animals that, fed by man, tend to forget how to be self-sufficient. One day I asked if she had received the Second Kriya. Kriya "! I had the impression that the idea itself of a further technique to be added in time to the too many already received and practiced daily, upset her. I know that, 8 If I consider what a lot of teachers said and are saying about this technique, I must also consider the idea of a sound jinx hovering over it!

As if acting out a perverse will, they unleashed all their ability in generating the wildest of all transformations. The proof of its validity was the same as in the Tibetan tradition; a kriyaban should have been able to insert the stem of a flower into it! I do not want to burden the reader with all the nonsense I heard in all those years. The reason why I was completely spellbound by some of those absurdities is that my tendency was to favor complicated techniques.

Full of enthusiasm, my eyes opened widely widely.. She said she had felt so unworthy unworthy that she had put them asid asidee and, and, afte afterr some some time time,, she she had had forg forgot otte ten n them them enti entire rely ly.. This This last last abomination was inconceivable to me. No direct initiations were ever given. The reader can guess how interested I was to learn those techniques techniques correctly.

They were explained in the last part of the correspondence course. Unfortunately, some details were ambiguous. I hoped to clarify everything on that occasion and was looking forwa forward rd to that that appoin appointm tmen entt with with great great antic anticipa ipatio tion. He said he would clarify my doubts as soon as possible. I was tranquil and waited. I was left in dismay when I figured out that the Minister kept on postponing our meeting without valid reasons at all. Since I decided not to give up, we finally met. I went through something truly unpleasant.

Yet, the sensation I had was akin to meeting a business man, who had more important affairs in mind and who was very very irritable. I replied I would surely keep in consideration his advice; in spite of that I wanted to see how to move my head correc correctly tly in order order to practi practice ce that that techn techniqu iquee in a hypo hypothe thetic tical al future future.. He declared that I was overexcited and this was not a good mark for a kriyaban In vain I replied that the movements of the head could not be shown through a letter: I was in front of a "wall" and the refusal was absolute.

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I had trusted and respected the school; I had studied the whole reference literature as if preparing for a university university exam. After the interview with that ill-disposed figure, I was in an atrocious mental and emotional state. Those who saw me immediately after this meeting were shocked: they said I was unrecognizable. Having understood what had happened, a kriyaban friend with a honeyed voice suggested that I have just received an important lesson from Gurudeva: Gurudeva : the necessity of being satisfied with the basic teachings. I could not accept any invitation to calm myself and drop the whole matter.

He accepted. His performance was meant to give the impression that P. As a matter of course, he lost two thirds of the students on the spot. They, in fact, did not accept to be his formal "disciples", "disciples", as required required by the initiation initiation ritual. On second thought, perhaps that monk at least on one point was right: I was not calm at all, rather I would never be calm any more.

Rather, I found it strange that a similar passion didn't literally take over my kriyaban friend's life. My interviewer was that elderly lady who taught me the preliminary techniq techniques ues and was officia officially lly investe invested d as a "Medita "Meditation tion Counsel Counselor".

Strange to say - in my opinion, an unforgivable unforgivable negligence negligence - she had never had them checked by direct disciples of P. In plain English, perhaps she knew less than me about that subject. I didn't understand. Should it be polluted, I would have the intuition to separate the wheat wheat from the chaff". She was astonished, astonished, perhaps she thought thought 39 that her many words and scolding proved useless.

She said with a sigh that my logic was originated from a wounded ego. I shifted my attention to a particular photograph of P. There There was not the least least doubt that that she she was was not not joki joking ng at all. At that that time time I real realiz ized ed how how P. She spoke at length, uninterruptedly, for about an hour. She went on explaining that the intelligence is a double-edged weapon: it can be used to eliminate the swelling of ignorance and also to cut off abruptly the lifeblood that sustains the spiritual path.

Then she spoke about a disciple of P. She compared him to the angel angel Lucif Lucifer er,, beauti beautiful ful and intel intellig ligen ent. I remem remember ber parti particu cular larly ly an anecd anecdote ote that that wante wanted d to illust illustrat ratee that that every everythi thing ng the the orga organiz nizat ation ion throu through gh its repre represen sentat tative ivess asked asked me came came directly from God. She told me what happened when one of his disciples decided to leave P. Then, in the end, the disciple would return to the same path.

Although she admired the earnestness earnestness with which I was making progress — unlike so many other tepid and half-hearted people who would go to her only to be reloaded with the motivation they could not find in themselves - she s he was dismayed, for her devotion devotion toward the Guru was 40 totally extraneous to me. By telling me that one or other episodes of P. I didn't follow her suggestions. My search took took a particular particular route: she she herself told told me three names of some direct disciples of P.

The secrets, if they had some, were well guarded! Months later, later, the lady that I had known, the meditation counselor came to know that I had read the "forbidden" books. I had no doubt that in the third millennium a person can read whatever he considers more convenient and so I did; one of those books, although clarified almost nothing, was interesting: I made a present of it to some friends.

Her reaction reaction had been so emphatic emphatic that I wasn't wasn't hurt at all; I felt a sort sort of tenderness toward her. Had God changed His plans, or had I finally met a polite and judicious person? My hesitation in dropping the literature linked with P. They They disappointed me and made me miss the clarity of P.

The lack of care in them made me suppose that the author had not bothered checking the original texts he had quoted. I deci decided ded to study study all all the the material furnished by the organization again and to delve deeper into it. Ever Everyo yone ne embarked in a personal study of which those talks represented the peak.

I shudder at the thought of how fruitless our effort was - like drawing blood from a stone - yet it's the way things went for about two years. Then a profound crisis uprooted any previously acquired scheme and dogma. I chose, among all P. I could not see that this lethal approach prevented me from exerting watchfulness and discrimination.

The failure came about and it was desolating and shameful. In a first moment, I could not accept it. I refused to believe that I had acted wrongly. I believed that mine was an apparent failure and that one day everything would resolve in my favor. Then my illusory dream began to disintegrate, slowly but inexorably. Whil Whilee prac practi tici cing ng,, I drea dreamt mt abou aboutt its its unthinkable progression and was quietly excited during each instant of it.

This disclosed a real heaven for me! As a consequence consequence I expressed a never-againto-be-found commitment: the result of which rewarded me immensely. The hypnotic atmosphere atmosphere of the " Guru's Guru's Blessings" made sure that I didn't realize into what situation I had relentlessly slipped and therefore I felt no shame or remorse.

I felt myself a privileged being to whom an unexpected advantage had been granted. This idea, more than any other factor, had lethal effects on me: it was the cradle in which my ego was fed and strengthened. His extreme synthesis may be criticized or, because of its temporal distance, may be hard to understand; however, his work is of extraordinary importance. There are different ways of translating the Sanskrit terms. A state of calmness and poise is created which becomes the foundation of the subsequent steps.

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Dhyana is meditation or contemplation -- the persistence of a focusing action as a steady, uninterrupted flow of awareness, which fully explores all aspects of the chosen object. Samadhi is perfect spiritual absorption deep contemplation in which the object of meditation becomes inseparable from the meditator himself. The The total total usele uselessn ssness ess of the moralizing "sermons" "sermons" is manifest. But the necessity of accepting accepting definite moral precepts, is somet somethin hing g that that is unders understoo tood d only only after after havin having g taste tasted d the the honey honey of the the spiritual experience.

What they, on the other hand, seem to forg forget et is the the fact fact that that it is only nly a phas phasee of the the whol wholee proc proces ess. Intensifying the awareness on the spine and the centers centers of the brain, the breath calms calms down almost entirely. In this phase, and in those following, it is not possible to move a single muscle of the body. It was not difficult to abide by this principle; its correctness appeared right from the profusion of inner joy. The concentration on the third eye - that 46 "inward eye" which Wordsworth with appropriate words defines as "the bliss of soli solitu tude de"" - happ happen ened ed spon sponta tane neou ousl sly y.

Some times, especially in the evenings, I replaced it with the Om technique. From to - the year year when Mother Mother left her body body - she tried to find the passage to the next species, to discover a new mode of life in matter and narrated her extraordinary exploration to Satprem. I obey no Master, no ruler, no law, no social convention, but the Divine", she affirmed. Her presence in my life, evoked through close and passionate readings, acted like an inner pressure calling for the necessity of extracting a meaning from each part of my existence.

To To her, one should acknowledge one's dark side: in the depths of our being it stirs 9 This huge document — pages in 13 volumes — is the account of twenty-two years of Mother's discoveries. She did this and the result was extraordinary. Instead of all the usual usual vibrat vibration ionss of the body body,, there there is now only only one one singl singlee vibrat vibratio ion.

I became became stiff stiff from it. I was so stiff stiff that I was one singl singlee mass. What was important for me was the fact that she dared to challenge Sri Aurobindo's authority. But now that things are ready, I have done ten years of work work in a few months. It simply springs forth in a flash, all of a sudden" but "It has to spring up without thinking, without calling: it should issue forth from the being spontaneously, 48 like a reflex, reflex, exactly like like a reflex.

They become galvanized, as it were". I experimented experimented with Mother's - Om Namo Bhagavate - but it did not worked for me. I tried to carry out the well-known instruction to resolutely maintain a impartial attitude toward both pleasant and unpleasant events, being like a detached "witness". This discipline is recommended in almost all the books dealing with oriental meditative practices. My attitude was not that of a supplicating and sobbing devotee, but that of a man one one step step away away from from his his goal goal..

Even Even if some someti time mess I felt felt a bit bit daze dazed, d, I maintained the determination never to discard the practice. This tool is unique, it can produce "miracles" where our best intentio intentions ns fail! I was astonish astonished ed in perceivin perceiving g its conside considerabl rablee effect. We We can reply that almost all his disciples, disciples, Hindus and Muslims, Muslims, used that practice since it was, at that time and in that place, very ordinary. One day, during mental Pranayama, Pranayama , while I was climbing up and down the Chakras, Chakras , I distinctly perceived a fresh energy sustaining my body from inside.

I entered a perfect immobility and, at a certain moment, I discovered discovered I was completely without breath. The event was enjoyable beyond words: in a blue-painted profundity, it contained the skies of my childhood. About the effects this exerts upon daily life, it reminded me of what Sri Aurobindo wrote about the moment he first stepped on Indian soil, after his long periods of study in Englan England. Subseque Subsequently ntly,, I carefully carefully observed observed,, how the breathle breathless ss state arose. My awareness awareness paused on each Chakra about ten seconds - as a bee drawn to the the nect nectar ar in flow flower ers, s, hove hoveri ring ng upon upon each each in grea greatt deli deligh ghtt - slig slight htly ly "touching" their nucleus along an anticlockwise as viewed from above path.

In the course of three months I lived in this celestial dimension, perfectly at ease, still, without any desire to fulfill. A calm euphoria accompanied me: the certainty of finally having found something stable and immutable within the evanescent flux of existence - which sometimes seems to have the consistency of an infinite sequence of reflexes upon the water. Flashes of the ultimate stage of freedom touched my mind When I went out for a walk, if I met somebody and stopped to listen to him, no matter what he said, a sudden joy would expand in my chest and rise to my eyes to the point that I could barely hold back my tears.

Looking at the distant mountains mountains or at other details of the landscape, I would try to direct my feeling toward them in order to turn my paralyzing joy into aesthetic rapture; 51 only this could keep back the joy clutching my being, only this could hide it. Aurobindo wrote: "The mind does not act; it simply releases an irresistible action from its recess". I thought: "I must not forget this experience ever, I want to have it again, every day of my life, because it is the most real thing which has ever been experienced"!

It seemed impossible impossible to lose it. It almost almost lasted for one year, year, then I lost it. The world of the "traveling Gurus" Gurus" was getting closer to my life, and with it, an unbelievable confusion too. He lived a normal life until he was thirty-six and experienced also the usual ups and downs of an householder's life. Often he inquired about the true meaning of life and felt the necessity of pursuing the spiritual spiritual path in order to get the real "Peace".

It was then that he renounced the secular life and went forth in quest of God as a mendicant Sadhu. The first years of his newly found life are described in his aforesaid autobiography. Then the dazzling light permeated and absorbed him. The world appeared to him as a dim shadow. A stage was soon reached when this dwelling in the spirit became a permanent and unvarying experience.

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The origin of this spiritual classic is in many ways a mystery. My worldly goods are a knapsack and some dried bread in it, and a Bible in my breast pocket. And that is all". The wandering hermit's life is held before the reader for guidance and imitation. In order order to realize realize the ideal of "prayi "praying ng ceasele ceaselessly ssly", ", the pilgri pilgrim m is first first instructed to repeat the Jesus Prayer times a day, then increase to Then he finds the Prayer at his lips and in his mind every waking hour, as spontaneous and effortless as the breath itself.

In this wonderful condition he comes to experience the effulgence of the divine light, the innermost "secret of the heart". Sometimes one might feel like one is in a difficult process of recovery; sometimes the noise coming from the external world will reach one's ears as amplified, while the widened sensitivity gives one the impression of having become more fragile, vulnerable and defenseless.

He practiced it without getting any result. His thoughts were repeating it, its vibration was not connected in any way to his body. I observed him carefully while he was practicing: I was witness to a lifeless practice, a tired plea for God's mercy.

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There was nothing to be surprised at when, after some time, he entirely abandoned the practice. The turning point came when he took part in a group pilgrimage. Someone began to recite the so-called rosary a set number of repetitions of the same prayer , to which all the pilgrims united. Even if tired and almost gasping for breath, he did not withdraw himself from this pious activity. He went on repeating re peating the Prayer unremittingly for f or the entire path, completely forgetting he was tired and sleepy.

When the group paused to rest, he had the grace to be left alone —undisturbed; —undisturbed; he slipped into an introspective state and was pervaded by something vibrating in his own heart, heart, which which he defini definitely tely identifi identified ed with with the Spiritual Spiritual Reality. The The ecstat ecstatic ic state state assumed the consistency of reality, became almost unbearable, overwhelming him. He said that the secret was not not only only to reach each,, but but also also to over overco come me the the stat statee of "exha "exhaus usti tion on.

An emission of light, similar to a voltaic arc, would happen between the two "poles" and shed light in that area. This process was described as a "mystic union". The whole explanation was accompanied by a helpful sketch, which had the psychological effect to eliminate all uncertainties on the validity and universality of this theory. Sometimes an annoying doubt appeared: once this new teaching had been received, how could I understand whether it was really original or made up?

I convinced myself that the key technical addition consisted in mentally chanting Om in the Chakras while exerting all the possible attention to the 55 internal sounds. After these pleasing breaths I went on listening inwardly. The best thing was to remain aware of the breath a calm short breath, almost imperceptible imperceptible and on the verge verge of disappearing , disappearing , linking each each breath with a different Chakra. The inner sound appeared after just four days of painstaking practice. It was winter and I had a three week vacation.

I spent every morning wrapped in the warmth of my home, practicing as much as possible. By day, ever every ythin thing g seem seemed ed surr surrou ound nded ed by a 'pad 'padde ded d coat coatin ing' g',, redu reduccing ing all all dissonances. I also spent some days in a beautiful location equipped for winter sport. Here I could wander wander the snow-white snow-white country countryside side aimlessl aimlessly y. While While I was lazily getting about, the sun set early, painting the landscape with breathtaking colors; the small village, sunk in the snow, started to radiate all the colors from the spectrum spectrum of light.

The winter vacation ended and I got back to my job. One day, still at work, I was in a room from which I could glimpse the distant mountains through a window pane, and contemplate the pure celestial sky above them. I was in ecstasy! For the first time, the prospect of retiring and living with a minimal income, maintaining 10 That teacher would have disappointed me. Over the years, he had simplified the original technique more and more. That moment came up at last! I was was exci excite ted d like like a chil child d rece receiv ivin ing g the the most most beau beauti tifu full of all all gift gifts.

The The introductory conference was for me of great emotional impact.

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He had a majestic and noble aspect, he was "handsomely" wrapped in his ocher clothes, his old age, long hair and beard marked the features of the typical sage. His His stup stupen endo dous us,, appe appeal alin ing g word wordss were were for for me a revelation but, at certain moments, the inquisitiveness in learning the new technical details made me unable to give the due attention to what he was saying; I therefore did not grasp at once all the implication of those concepts. He was leading the auditorium into a wondrous dimension, he gave himself completely to us so that we could feel the flavor of this experience.

His Second Kriya, Kriya , which I learned months later was easy and enjoyable: it contained contained a beautiful form of breathing. The The effect effect was to touch touch internally internally each Chakra with one syllable. Atte Attemp mpts ts made made by inexperienced students - in order to effectively use these techniques - could result in a useless distraction for the students and a waste of time for him as a teacher. He expressed himself adamantly: the request, by some people, to receive other advanced techniques implied a lack of engagement in the basic ones.

What he said made definite sense, but contributed to his isolation. He did not not take take into into consi consider derat ation ion how how the the human human mind mind really really works, works, throu through gh insatiable curiosity and the total rejection of any veto. He really had all the necessary tools to attract the western world. Moreover, his Indian-sage figure impressed the people. Hundreds of scholars were enthusiastic about him, they were ready to back his mission and treat him like a "divinity", being willing to show the same respect to possible collaborators and successors.

His unlucky decision triggered an inexorable mechanism which pushed away the people who were most indispensable to him. Literally devoured by the thirst for obtainin obtaining g the complete complete teaching teachings, s, they started started to turn to the search search for other other teache teachers. He closed his nostrils nostrils with his fingers fingers and kept that position for some time. Many acknowledged this as a nasty comment to the fact that he was giving his expla explanat natio ions ns only only out out of kindne kindness, ss, but but the audien audience ce was was not able to understand the deep meaning of what he was demonstrating.

The result was that the beginners could only sense too big a distance to be bridged between them and the Master.